This past Sunday was my fathers 83rd birthday. I have tried, for the past few years, to be in Louisiana twice a year - in September and March. This fall, however, it did not work for me to go and I missed being there. My sense of melancholy was compounded by a phone call from my dad. He had expected me and thought that I was, like I had in the past, going to surprise him by just showing up. He ended his phone call by saying how much he missed me being there. It was painful.
I have been away from home all of my adult life. When I was 18 I drove to Comfort, Texas to attend school. Later, I returned to Louisiana to finish college and begin seminary. At 24, I moved to Indiana and have spent the past 26 years in the Midwest - which I love. But, there are those times when I feel sad that I did not and my family did not live close to any extended family. The Lord has more than blessed with the provision of a wonderful spiritual family for which I am most grateful. But, I have had to watch my father age from a distance. Glimpses come, like slides in a slide show, but they only tell part of the story. The changes I witness are less gradual - more dramatic, less supple - more obvious and that may compound the sense of sadness. And, the opportunities to help - in whatever way I can - are few. My absence places some burden on my brother, and my Dad's wonderful wife, Edith.
Parenting your parent is tough. Doing it from long distance is sometimes tougher. It is true that the distance provides a buffer from some things, but I don't know that being insulated from certain aspects of aging parents is necessarily good. It is part of what it means to show grace and the love of God. It is about patience and Christ-likeness.
If this sounds like a bit of a pity-party - my apologies. It is not intended to be. Being middle aged, for those who are, often means going through a process with elderly parents. That process provides some wonderful opportunities but there is also a tinge of sadness to it all.
I have been away from home all of my adult life. When I was 18 I drove to Comfort, Texas to attend school. Later, I returned to Louisiana to finish college and begin seminary. At 24, I moved to Indiana and have spent the past 26 years in the Midwest - which I love. But, there are those times when I feel sad that I did not and my family did not live close to any extended family. The Lord has more than blessed with the provision of a wonderful spiritual family for which I am most grateful. But, I have had to watch my father age from a distance. Glimpses come, like slides in a slide show, but they only tell part of the story. The changes I witness are less gradual - more dramatic, less supple - more obvious and that may compound the sense of sadness. And, the opportunities to help - in whatever way I can - are few. My absence places some burden on my brother, and my Dad's wonderful wife, Edith.
Parenting your parent is tough. Doing it from long distance is sometimes tougher. It is true that the distance provides a buffer from some things, but I don't know that being insulated from certain aspects of aging parents is necessarily good. It is part of what it means to show grace and the love of God. It is about patience and Christ-likeness.
If this sounds like a bit of a pity-party - my apologies. It is not intended to be. Being middle aged, for those who are, often means going through a process with elderly parents. That process provides some wonderful opportunities but there is also a tinge of sadness to it all.
1 comment:
Dear Pastor Paul:
I, too, am far away from extended family and feel that loss of connection. Thank you for sharing your insight. I had such wonderful examples of selflessly serving from my parents as they cared for my grandparents. In my heart, I want to be there and do the same. God sees that.
Take care,
Kristin
P.S. Good luck at the golf tournament this weekend if you participate.
Post a Comment